Where The Light Belongs



Once again the spotlight is being taken from the only place it has ever belonged. Once again accusations against my parents for allowing a 'secret courtship' to occur between my 14 year-old self and my abuser have been plastered all over the Internet. Comments about my physical appearance as a young teen are being used to redefine the nature of the criminal activity. A severe and dangerous contorting of my story by people who were not there is taking place and while this means a very uncomfortable re-shaming for myself and my family, the deeper concern is what it means for future victims. The marginalization of a serious and devastating crime does not bode well at all for others who will suffer abuse in the future. The church's lack of acknowledgment of mishandling the situation and causing further devastation to myself and my family and to the individuals my abuser would go on to hurt is disheartening and deplorable. It is tarnishing not only Pastor Wilson's reputation but the reputation of every pastor in the CREC denomination and every last member of those churches, for that matter. Another such pastor reached out to me earlier this morning, one removed from this particular situation, and he expressed his severe disappointment in how I and my family were treated and are continuing to be treated. He wanted me to know not everyone in the CREC feels this way and that there is serious questioning happening from within. I have heard from myriads of others, some within the denomination and some not, who are appalled at the way sexual abuse within the church is handled. Personally, I have experienced a wide range of emotions concerning all of this but the overwhelming emotion recently has been sadness - sadness that a pastor's gross misunderstanding of abuse, consent, and criminal behavior has resulted in such harm and shaming and will inevitably result in harm to others who are abused. I am sad that he cannot humbly admit wrongdoing and begin to rebuild a system which is broken, a system which perpetuates abuse and marginalizes victims, which in turn creates a ripple effect of devastation and pain.


Doug was not in my home when my parents discussed allowing Jamin to court me. Doug was not in the room when they spoke about whether or not we should be allowed to hold hands. I imagine he may have something in writing from them, perhaps asking advice or seeking guidance on the situation and this may shed light on the foolishness and naivety of some of my parent's choices. The fact that my parents trusted a dangerous and conniving criminal to respect the boundaries they had set is no secret and yes, it's embarrassing. They have sought my forgiveness heartily over the years and I have unconditionally given it. But I would like to also point at that neither was Doug in the room when my father said, No. I am not comfortable with this. There will be no courtship. There will be no hand-holding. Do not touch my daughter and do not foster a relationship with her. Doug was not with my father as time dragged on and he began to become suspicious of Jamin. He was not in the hallway with my father where he sat on a chair in the middle of the night watching my bedroom door to make sure I was safe and protected. Shortly after this night of intuitive suspicion on my father's part Jamin was kicked out of our home permanently. If only Doug had known my father's heart, and yet he is quick to place blame on two parents who were deceived and manipulated by a calculated criminal. The fact that my parents were deceived does not change the nature of Jamin's crime. The fact that my parents had moments of naivety does not merit letters from a pastor requesting leniency for a man who the prosecuting attorney called 'a textbook pedophile' and place a massive amount of blame on a father already broken by the news of his daughter's abuse. The fact that I was beautiful and stood taller than my abuser does not lessen or change the sickening nature of what he did to me. The fact that I was infatuated with him and lived to please him does not mean that I was asking for it. Nobody asked for it. 

In a response published on the widely viewed Christian publication, The American Conservative, earlier today, Doug calls what happened 'sexual behavior'. A conveniently softened term for the abuse that took place. 

Doug says about he and the elders, "we wanted him (Jamin) to pay the penalty for that criminal behavior, which was a species of statutory rape." What Jamin did was severe far beyond statutory rape, though it did include that. Jamin targeted, groomed, and molested me for several years while manipulating and deceiving every other person around him in order to cover his crime. Jamin is a sexual predator in every sense of the word. 

Doug writes "The reason we did not want it (the crime) treated as pedophilia is that her parents had bizarrely brought Jamin into the house as a boarder so that he could conduct a secret courtship with Natalie. So Jamin was in a romantic relationship with a young girl, her parents knew of the relationship and encouraged it, her parents permitted a certain measure of physical affection to exist between them (e.g. hand-holding), Natalie was a beautiful and striking young woman, and at the time was about eight inches taller than Jamin was. Her parents believed that she was mature enough to be in that relationship, and the standards they set for the relationship would have been reasonable if she had in fact been of age and if the two had not been living under the same roof."

This paragraph is so full of untruths it makes my head spin. I'm not sure if Doug is deliberately twisting the truth or if he is basing his version of events on incomplete information (my sincere hope is that it's the latter), but these allegations are simply false. As I said before, he was not there for any of this. There were discussions of this nature but the truth is that Jamin and I did not develop and maintain a romantic relationship under the encouragement of my parents. It is false, and from where I stand it is dangerously close to slander. Additionally and most importantly, why the hell does it matter? These grandiose and desperate attempts to take the attention away from what matters and place it where it does not belong is truly frightening and it's hurting real people. 

Doug is spending an awful lot of time and energy saying things like this "But please note well: Things like her height, apparent maturity, and parental knowledge of the fact of a relationship are simply irrelevant to the morality of Jamin’s behavior. They are irrelevant to the criminality of his behavior. They are irrelevant to whether Jamin was selfishly manipulating a young girl, preying on her for his own selfish ends. They are irrelevant to whether it was statutory rape or not. But such things were not irrelevant to whether it was pedophilia." when he should be spending time and energy saying "We messed up. We defended a really bad guy. I wrote to a judge and an officer on his behalf and it directly effected the outcome of the sentencing. We failed the victim, we didn't extend to her the love of Christ and offer her the resources she so desperately needed. We blamed her parents disproportionately, we talked about her physical appearance and said it changed the nature of Jamin's crimes. We are deeply sorry and we want to learn how we can educate ourselves and how we can do things differently in the future so that more innocent people are not hurt and shamed and subsequently driven away. We want to learn from this mishandled situation."


Will that ever happen? I hope so very much that it will. I hope we can stop talking about the things that don't matter and start talking about things that do, like how we can spot potentially abusive situations before they escalate and destroy lives, how we can educate our youth to have strong voices about their own bodies and sexuality, how we can create a system in which criminals are not readily trusted and given opportunities to re-offend, how we can foster an environment in which victims feel as though they are unconditionally supported and cared for, free of suffocating judgement and blame...This what truly matters. 

Doug sums up the way he feels about his role in my situation "...it is also a snarl where it is possible to look back with a clean conscience."

He has no regrets and clearly no intention of apologizing. He has twisted the truth. He has shone a light in a place where there is nothing of relevance to see, and in so doing has pushed into the shadows a hideous truth that promises to grow and swallow Lord knows how many more innocent victims. 




That is the story we need to listen to. That is what we should be talking about.




As an added note, a friend drew my attention to something Doug said in his 'reluctant response' which I somehow missed but would like to address:  "In the midst of all of this, it is our heartfelt prayer that Natalie will return to Christ—the only place where the kind of wounds she received can ever really be healed." I have never spoken with Doug about my current religious or spiritual beliefs. In fact, I have rarely spoken with anyone in the last 10 years about that part of my life, outside of my husband and a few very close friends. Doug cannot possibly know what is in my heart or where my beliefs lie. All that I will say about this matter is that I hope that the love in my heart rings true in my writing and in the way I live my life and interact with those around me. It is not my style to shout my religious beliefs from the rooftops, and after being utterly betrayed by the church of my youth, my trust in the religious establishment is admittedly not what it once was. The truest, most Christ-like Christians I have ever encountered are not those that wear their theology on their sleeves but rather those that treat the least of men with compassion and love when no one is watching. Lastly, I have found healing from the pains of my past and I am forever grateful for that. 

Comments


  1. Please know that we hear the voice of a strong and gifted woman who has helped untold numbers by sharing your story. Your credibility is not in question, but I say to you in truth every time Doug opens his mouth vast numbers of people know he vomits out lies. He builds the case against himself.
    You are a survivor, you are not alone, if you and the kiddies need a country break please give me a call (I'm in the phone book) and come spend the day with us. We'll celebrate the love and joy of children, and the blessings we share.
    Rose

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  2. Thank you for being so brave and forthcoming. You have my support and the support of thousands behind you. I don't want you to ever think that you are talking in a vacuum.

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  3. Excellent post, Natalie. I'm so proud of you for standing tall and beautiful not only physically (because I have seen your beauty with my own eyes), but in conviction, in compassion for sex abuse victims, and in integrity. You are surely helping many survivors by speaking out. You are my hero.

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  4. Just a minor point here: in print, it's libel not slander. Libel is much easier to win a lawsuit over. I'd say you may have excellent grounds for a lawsuit at this stage. Doug almost seems to be begging for one.

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  5. Doug has a clean conscience. Oh really. Just when I think he can't possibly get any more arrogant.
    Natalie, blessings to you. The world is changing as a result of people like you who are telling the truth about things like this.

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  6. thank you for writing this. I am so sorry that you are having to endure such ignorance for so many 'Christians' regarding your abuse. And it is heartbreaking that your parents also are having to relive all of this pain because your Church has chosen to defend pedophilia. But I want you to know and I wish other church people would realize that these ridiculous distractions are actually a complete confirmation of how dangerous the leadership of that church are. Statements like: She was 'taller' are actually classic statements made by pedophiles -- and the reason is because they truly believe (in their twisted and perverted minds) that things like a child's height or dress or behavior is giving them permission to abuse them. That is why they are criminals, because their brains are twisted-- they do not think like normal people--- I grew up in a church by SEattle, called Glen Acres Church of Christ-- and the statements by your church leadership are exactly the same as the statements of the leaders and child molesters of that church. I hope people realize the statements themselves and the thought process by itself is proof of the remaining perverted thinking. That is why no child is safe now, just as you were not then. It is because until leaders are educated on the truth about pedophilia and child molesters everyone will continue to blame, threaten and punish the victims. Blessings on your healing journey and on your parents.

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  7. This is so important. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this. I'm already unfortunately familiar with the scumbag Doug Wilson, but just when I thought he couldn't sink any lower, he does this. I'm sorry you've had to go through any of it, from the abuse to his sick attempts to justify and minimize it. I wish you all the best!!

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  8. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and generous post. I'm just another stranger reading your story, but I'm encouraged by your strength, the fact that you've found healing, and your honesty. My heart breaks for you/what happened to you and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this again. God bless you.
    -Abbi

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  9. I am so sorry Natalie. This breaks my heart every time it comes back around. I love you and your family, and I grieve this all with you.

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  10. Natalie, I tried to post this on the last blog post, but somehow it didn't go through.

    I'm a little confused and I wondered if you could clarify. You have said that the reason you're sharing your story is 1) to make sure people know that Jamin is the wicked man that he is, and 2) to make sure that churches do not defend such men in the future.

    It seems like the first is blatantly obvious to everyone. Everyone agrees: Jamin was and is a criminal, a creep, and a master manipulator. Everyone agrees with that - as they should. I am so very sorry this happened, Natalie. No girl should go through that kind of thing. Jamin's behavior was horrific, and I'm so sorry you had to go through it. I think we all are.

    But what I'm confused about is the second. You've said that your parents have no fault in the matter because they were deceived by a master criminal. They couldn't have known, and they couldn't have protected you. What I guess I'm confused about is this: why do you blame Doug for also being deceived, if no one in your family was at fault for being deceived?

    Perhaps I'm missing something, but what I see is that Jamin manipulated, and both your family and Doug and the other elders were all deceived at different times and in various ways. Once people really knew the truth, they all condemned his behavior and did what they could to protect you and prevent further abuse.

    I wasn't there for your story, but I do know Jamin's ex-wife a bit, and she was overwhelmed by the love, care, protection, and prayer of her elders and church - a sister church of Christ Church. They prayed for her every Sunday publicly, and they worked to protect and provide for her and her children. They prayed every Sunday that Jamin would repent of his horrible, horrible sin, and that he would be justly and firmly punished.

    My point it that I do see the churches seeking to pour out love and care and protection on victims. So I guess I'm confused as to what you are wanting Doug to repent for, and what changes you want to see. He was deceived, just like your father, by a master criminal. And now that the truth has been made plain, he is clearly and adamantly distrustful of Jamin and advocating for just punishment of him.

    Can you clarify why Doug is at fault for being deceived, when you're father was not? And what exactly you are wanting Doug to apologize for? I'm confused.

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    2. I'm not Natalie, and have never met her, so I cannot speak for her. But it seems to me a very different point that her parents were deceived before they knew of the victimization of their daughter and the man acting as their pastor was deceived by the man even after the abuse.

      Natalie, I don't know you, but I've followed this story because I know people who love Doug Wilson and whose children are being raised in similarly authoritarian situations as his church. And I've cried, and I've prayed for you, and I've prayed for those currently being hurt.

      Cheryl

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    3. Anon,
      You said "why do you blame Doug for also being deceived, if no one in your family was at fault for being deceived?
      Once people really knew the truth, they all condemned his behavior and did what they could to protect you and prevent further abuse.
      Jamin's ex-wife...was overwhelmed by the love, care, protection, and prayer of her elders and church - a sister church of Christ Church. They prayed for her every Sunday publicly, and they worked to protect and provide for her and her children. They prayed every Sunday that Jamin would repent of his horrible, horrible sin, and that he would be justly and firmly punished."

      Doug should be blamed to the extent that he blames the family for what happened. I don't think I've seen Natalie blaming Doug for being deceived, the issue seems to be the response once the truth about Jamin came out. What you describe happening where a local church responded well to Jamin's ex-wife sounds awesome! But that sounds a lot different from the way the local church responded to Natalie (and how they still treat her).
      Doug Wilson wrote a letter to her father heaping blame and guilt on him, basically saying it was his fault for not knowing that someone was not abiding by the agreed-upon rules.
      Doug Wilson wrote a letter to Officer Green in which he said "I do not believe that this situation in any way paints Jamin as a sexual predator."
      Doug Wilson didn't "side" with Natalie, but he sat on the side of the courtroom that showed he supported Jamin.
      Even yesterday, instead of plainly acknowledging that Natalie was raped by a sexual predator, Doug Wilson stated "Jamin was guilty of sexual behavior with a girl who was below the age of consent."
      Yesterday he also stated "Natalie was a beautiful and striking young woman, and at the time was about eight inches taller than Jamin was." He then says that he brings these things up only to show why they didn't think Jamin should be charged with pedophilia. Are Doug Wilson or the elders lawyers? If not, then why would they think their opinion mattered. Someone should be charged based on the law, not based on opinions of local church elders.
      This pattern shows the opposite of care and concern for the victim.

      It seems that in Natalie's situation, the Christ Church elders blamed the parents and basically sided with Jamin...even after they knew the truth of what he had done to Natalie!

      I'm glad the elders of the sister church responded better to the situation with Jamin's ex-wife, but it appears that in Natalie's situation, Jamin received an advocate from the church, but Natalie did not.

      I think this clarifies why Doug should apologize.



      Natalie, please correct any errors, or please delete this comment if you'd rather respond yourself.

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    4. Caleb,

      Thanks for your response.
      
I am not quite sure who came to the trial and where they sat - except that Peter Leithart did sit with Jamin, because he was his congregant. I’m not sure who sat on Natalie’s side, and why or why not. This is a detail that I’m sure has a story behind it, a story that would turn the tables one way or the other. The absence of information and of details behind that information leaves it open for speculation.

      Aside from that, there are two things that don’t add up about what you wrote. Perhaps you could show me where I’m mistaken?

      I read Doug’s letter to Natalie’s father, and it seems to me that he is in no way excusing Jamin. Rather, he is saying that Jamin was a snake, and that Natalie needed protection from such a man. He is saying that that was Mr. Greenfield’s responsibility to protect, and that he would be held responsible for his failure in that matter (not responsible for Jamin’s actions, of course).

      Of course, Mr. Greenfield was horrified at what happened - which is good. But let’s turn the tables a bit: let’s say that Natalie and Jamin were both boarding in Doug’s house. Let’s say that Doug did not take the utmost precautions to make sure that the 14-yr-old girl was free from danger of being compromised (let along repeatedly abused) by the 23-yr-old. Let’s say Doug knew that the young man was interested in the girl, and that they were trying to pursue a relationship at some level (I’m confused about the nature of this based on the difference between Natalie and Doug’s accounts, but to some degree both say that Jamin wanted a relationship with Natalie and had expressed that to her father). Let’s say Doug knew that Natalie had a bad relationship with him and was eager for male attention.

      If in such a case Jamin had raped Natalie - repeatedly - under Doug’s roof, I think there would be some very reasonable accusations toward Doug for not protecting the young woman. Doug seemed to be holding Mr. Greenfield to that kind of standard in the letter he wrote.

      Isn’t this just a way of protecting future victims?

      Now, this isn’t to say that Mr. Greenfield shouldn’t be forgiven. Absolutely. Jamin can repent and be forgiven, and Mr. Greenfield can repent and be forgiven. And no, their sins are not equal - and Jamin’s are the only ones that are actually crimes. Grace is not fair, though. It’s not fair for any of us: it’s all completely undeserved. That’s just the way the gospel works. To say, on the other hand, that Jamin’s was the worst sin and therefore unforgivable, while the father’s sin of failure to protect was comparatively tiny and therefore not worth repenting of or trying to prevent in the future - that is not the gospel. It is not the truth.

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    5. 2) The other thing that doesn’t add up to me is to say that Doug sided with Jamin and against her family after he knew the truth. I don’t think it’s accurate, based on the given information, to say the Christ Church elders sided with Jamin. They wanted him to be arrested, they wanted him to be removed from contact with Natalie, and they wanted him to be justly punished. That much is very clear from the timeline of their actions and from the court reports. What they did seem to side with was this: that Jamin should be punished as a rapist, not a pedophile.

      Does it matter if someone is raping a 6-yr.-old prepubescent girl or a 14-yr-old young woman? Yes, I think it does. Are both horrible, awful, despicable crimes? Yes. But the first is perverted in a different way. A man ought to be attracted to women, though he is responsible to deal with that attraction maturely, legally, and lovingly - not abusively; he should in no way be sexually attracted to a child - the attraction itself is perverted. This is why laws against such crimes are so much more harsh. And this is why, especially when the elders believed Jamin to be repentent, I understand that they advocated for him to get the punishment he deserved as a rapist rather than the punishment of a pedophile.

      When I was a 14-yr-old girl, I was a young woman in body and mind. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was as much of a woman as I am now. I could have had children, and I could have had sex like any other woman. If someone had abused me, which I’m so very thankful that they didn’t, it would have been disgusting and vile and rape. But it wouldn’t have been pedophilia. Moreover, I had a strong will and a capable mind. While I could have been deceived, I really don’t think I was more likely to be deceived than I am now.

      Does that make a difference? I think it does.

      So it doesn’t seem that Doug actually sided with Jamin or believed he was innocent. He wanted real justice for him, and he wanted restoration (in time). He also wanted to do what he could to prevent such things happening, and part of that was calling Natalie’s father to take responsibility for his failure to protect.

      To me, those don’t seem to be anything to repent of. Am I missing something?

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    6. Natalie has never called him a pedophile, but a sexual predator. Please post publicly if you are asserting such strength in yourself. It is an embarrassing hypocrisy otherwise.

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    7. My pastor teaches that you can only forgive once you face the totality of the sin done against you. I believe grace works the same way. Repentance is more than just magic words said, and it's a fool who assumes it is. Jamin was a pre

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    8. My pastor teaches that you can only forgive once you face the totality of the sin done against you. I believe grace works the same way. Repentance is more than just magic words said, and it's a fool who assumes it is. Jamin was a predator, period. The law is what it is for a reason, and it really doesn't matter what age the victim is unless you want to imply she is at fault. As a rape victim myself I am telling you she was not. You don't know what you would do if you aren't in that situation. I look at my younger self and understand what someone like you might think about my situation and you would be dead wrong. Stop trying to shame this woman.

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    9. Yes, you are missing the horror of what happened to Natalie. What the fuck is wrong with you?

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    10. Anon,
      You said, "I don’t think it’s accurate, based on the given information, to say the Christ Church elders sided with Jamin. They wanted him to be arrested...and they wanted him to be justly punished."

      There are at least two people who have testified that Doug Wilson told them that he wished Natalie's father had not gone to the police. This shows that it is a lie to say that the elders wanted Jamin to be arrested and justly punished.

      You were making a distinction between a 6-year-old and a 14-year-old. I don't think anyone disagrees that there is a difference between those two ages. But if that's what Doug Wilson had in mind, why didn't he make that distinction in his "defense" to Rod Dreher? Why did he talk about Natalie's height and beauty? Those things have nothing to do with age.

      And the way you are talking "I don't think I would be any more deceived than I would be now" is REALLY disturbing! Is this how you would have counseled a girl (NOT a "young woman") who was raped??? It really sounds like you are judging Natalie for being deceived...why would you say something like that other than to shame someone who was deceived?!?

      You said, "He wanted real justice for him, and he wanted restoration (in time)." I think you are completely right that he wanted restoration for him, but did he feel the same toward Natalie? How many times, how much effort was put into reaching out to Natalie and her family? (only Natalie and her family can answer that...but during one time Doug Wilson had alone with Natalie he used part of the 15 minutes to ask her if her father had called his church a cult)

      If Doug Wilson wanted Jamin justly punished, why would he write in a letter to Officer Green "I do not believe that this situation in any way paints Jamin as a sexual predator"??!

      If Doug Wilson really cared about and believed Natalie, why would he downplay Jamin being a sexual predator, why would he downplay the fact that she was coerced by saying "Jamin was guilty of sexual behavior with a girl who was below the age of consent"?!?


      Anon,
      Do you trust what Natalie says about the situation?

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    11. I'm sorry it seems cowardly for me to post anonymously. I would gladly ask these things face to face if we were having a conversation, but as it is I know none of you and my name would mean nothing to any of you. On the other hand, I know people on both sides of the Moscow dramas, and I know there is a ton of pain and hurt everywhere. I'd rather talk with those people in person if I need to than complicate things by having them see my online conversations. Maybe that seems weird, but that's that. I almost didn't comment, but I decided to because I felt like there were some things that weren't adding up that I thought might be things to consider in the discussion. Perhaps I should have just left it alone entirely, but that's why I commented anon.

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    12. Also, I think I miscommunicated what my point was about age. Jamin was/is a snake, and Natalie was young. My point is not that I would tell 14-yr-old Natalie, "it's your fault" or something - good heavens no, because it wasn't her fault! I was trying to understand why it would matter that he be labeled a pedophile vs. labeled a rapist. No, I wouldn't counsel her "you were deceived." I do think that she was deceived - that he convinced her he was a great guy to love. She said she was deceived, manipulated. But that's his sin of deceiving - and a girl who has been raped and abused like that needs love and protection.

      I don't know Natalie. I don't know all the pieces to her story. I do know this is a super complex story with lots of characters and lots of layers. I'm so sorry about everything, Natalie. Reading your story I am beyond disgusted at the evil of Jamin. I wish it could have been prevented. I wish this kind of thing didn't happen.

      Caleb, do I trust what Natalie says? What she says about Jamin I trust is true. I don't know if he's in prison, but I hope he is. I hope and pray the grace of God upon him, but I would never trust him near a woman. The TRC elders and CC elders would agree with this, and every other sane person.

      Do I trust Natalie's interpretation? Well, as I said, some of it doesn't add up to what I know about other things. The things I said about Jamin's ex-wife's church above are part of this. I've seen the love and devoted care they provided her with, and I've seen how they invited the involvement of both professional counsellors (from outside the church and denomination) and the police/state. I've seen those men lay down their lives for their congregations, and I've seen them love on her and her children. I've seen these elders work with Doug, I've seen them all praise Peter Leithart's apology and Peter Leithart in turn affirm their statement on how they handled the Jamin situation with his ex-wife. I've seen people accuse those other elders, twisting the facts. I've seen people twist truths about Wilson, like saying that he wants to suppress women and doesn't believe women should be educated (he actually believes and lives the opposite...). As far as money goes, he drives an old truck and lives in the house he and his son built. I've seen faithfulness in his life and preaching.

      I am biased, because I know Doug and the people around him, and these things don't add up. I'm also biased because my dad was a pastor (not CREC), and there were people who were "eyewitnesses" who told things in such a way that it was twisted and untrue. We weren't huge, so we never got huge accusations, but some of the stuff people said or broadcasted was just flat not true. Things are complicated, always, and messy. And sometimes things get twisted in our minds and in our words.

      The hurt that has already happened in the past is so huge, I just wish it could stop. And I wish that hurt didn't have to be spread to any more innocent victims - l and I think sometimes we forget that a pastor might be an innocent victim, too.

      Natalie, I'm so sorry for the way Jamin hurt you. I'm so sorry that this all happened at all. My prayer is that you may be healed from all this. I'm going to stop posting on here because frankly it's none of my business. I though perhaps I could add some questions that could help, but I'm not sure they did. Blessings.

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    13. Anon, all of your statements amount to a whitewashing of Doug Wilson and his motives, and I can assure you that nobody worthwhile cares what you have to say on that matter. I don't care what kind of car Doug Wilson drives. I don't care what kind of house he lives in. I don't care that you think people have got his teachings all wrong and that you think he's a really swell guy. To hell with all of that shit.

      What I have seen, and the only thing I care about, is that Doug in his internet writings for months (and apparently years now) has explicitly argued vigorously, extensively, and callously to lay the blame for Jamin Wight's horrifying sexual abuse of an underage girl at the feet of the victim and her parents. Fuck Doug Wilson. He's an asshole for trying to hold the victim responsible for a depraved criminal's actions, and I give not one goddamn about the rest of his life or his accomplishments until he is held to account for the suffering he has caused by blaming people who ought not to be blamed.

      The depravity of this one circumstance, which is Doug's written internet campaign to vilify an innocent young woman for the actions of a depraved criminal, overshadows and supersedes any possible redeeming qualities Doug Wilson may possess. He needs to shut his fucking mouth and step down from his pulpit, because he isn't fit to be a pastor if that's the best he has to offer those who suffer in the wake of criminal sexual abuse.

      I don't care what Doug Wilson's theology is, I don't care how much you think he's right and godly and has all the correct answers, and I don't give a good goddamn if everything under the sun that Doug has ever written is in fact the true inspired word of God, because he has invalidated all of that himself by his own vitriol. All of that stops immediately with Doug's internet crucifixion of Natalie Greenfield, and he is not worth the pages his stupid, hateful words are printed on. He is a disgrace to the cause of Christ, and if he has any humanity left, he will step down from his pulpit immediately never to return. If he has even an ounce of human decency left, Doug should rend his garments and cover himself in ash and sackcloth, and beg forgiveness of Natalie and her parents on bended knee. He never will, because he's an arrogant, self-righteous, self-serving, unfeeling, uncaring prick a thousand times over... but he should.

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  11. Bless you Natalie...for you are stronger than most! You are an inspiration...and a blessing to anyone who reads your blog. My past is similar to yours...but without my parents being shamed by our church. Thank you...for being an example and a voice! You have no idea how much this blog means to me.
    God bless you!!!

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  12. Natalie, you are possibly the strongest, bravest woman I have ever seen. I'm in awe of you. You rock.

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  13. May I post this on my Facebook to raise awareness?

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  14. Your parents are folks better than me. Had DW sent me a letter like that, my moral dilemma would be where to bury him.

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  15. Wilson wrote: "...her parents had bizarrely brought Jamin into the house as a boarder so that he could conduct a secret courtship with Natalie."

    Didn't your parents bring Wight into your home to earn money as part of the New Saint Andrews boarding system? If so, perhaps that's why Wilson seems so desparate to blame your parents--he wants to draw attention away from the system that benefits his church and school and it's (and his) culpability for what happened to you.

    God bless and defend you as you continue to stand up for yourself and others who are, have been, or will be in your position in Moscow and elsewhere.

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  16. Don't get fatigued, Natalie! We are listening! We hear you!

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  17. I'm not trying to be flippant, but was Jamin raised by monkeys or something? It doesn't matter how beautiful or tall a 13 or 14 year old child is - she's still a child and off limits to adult men, especially one 24 years old! After following Natalie's story, I'm wondering if Doug Wilson is mentally fit to counsel anyone, much less pedophiles.

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  18. I am so sorry for the pain and suffering you have endured, how horrific your abuse was but then the myriad ways that the very people you trusted to send you to the loving arms of Jesus at your church are the same people who heaped shame upon you. I ache and yet praise God that he has given you grace and wisdom that, thus far, seems to far exceed the likes of the Doug Wilsons, Toby Sumpters, and their seemingly infinite defenders. May we never be silent and may the church begin to accept her many faults in at best abandoning and at worst spiritually abusing her precious sexual abuse victims. Much love to you, sister. Praying that you experience continued peace from Jesus as you refuse to be silent.

    In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. [John 1:4&5]

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  19. On behalf of everyone who has been affected by sexual abuse, thank you, Natalie, for clearly exposing the falsehoods in Doug's response, while still expressing concern for the many who worship in that church and will be hurt and confused by the consequences of their pastor's words and actions.

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  20. "I am not quite sure who came to the trial and where they sat - except that Peter Leithart did sit with Jamin, because he was his congregant. I’m not sure who sat on Natalie’s side, and why or why not. This is a detail that I’m sure has a story behind it, a story that would turn the tables one way or the other. The absence of information and of details behind that information leaves it open for speculation. "

    Greetings Anonymous (why don't you use your name? You are defending Doug so you can't be afraid of retaliation),

    I was at the sentencing hearing (it was not a trial because a plea agreement had been arranged and the sentence was imposed at the hearing.) The judge (not a local fellow) was, in my opinion, a complete and total ninny. He attributed Jamin's behavior to profound social immaturity due to his homeschooling background. What kind of stupid remark/excuse is that?

    Courtrooms are separated in front by two tables, the left table accommodates the defendant and his/her attorney. The prosecutor, associated staff, probation or parole officers etc. sit on the right side. A friend and I sat on the right a couple of rows behind Natalie and her father. Doug Wilson sat on the left a couple of rows behind Jamin.

    I believe then, as I believe now, Doug feared the damage to his reputation and the reputation of the church far more than he worried about Natalie and her family. I spoke briefly and sharply to Doug as we left the courtroom regarding the dismal quality of his ministerial training school and his disgusting pupil.

    It is my opinion, based on years of knowing Doug and the boyz, (at the time of this hearing I believe there were eleven or twelve elders - nine of them (and some of wives) were employed at some business arm of the Kirk, including NSA, Logos, ACCS, CRF etc. they depend on his largess. Those percentages haven't changed much in the last ten years. Understand and believe this, a key element of Doug's control over his spineless elders is financial. There is a well-known trail out of town for those who have disagreed with Doug, often over minor issues. They were quickly kicked out on their bums in short order. Like all bullies, he has a low tolerance for subordinates (everyone else) who disagree with his fiats, and even less for those who mock him.

    He isn't a leader He is a petulant tyrant - I pray daily that the time will come (soon I hope) where he is the one sent out to the pasture, with black bears nipping at this heels (we do live in North Idaho so it is possible) for the next twenty years.

    Rose Huskey


    Rose Huskey

    In my opinion, Doug wasn't seeking justice, he was seeking to stop the bad publicity.

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  21. Natalie, stay strong. We all love you.

    The absolute stupid ignorance exhibited by those who continue to come out in support of Doug Wilson fills me with unspeakable anger. How dare you people. Shame on the lot of you.

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  22. Thank You for writing so clearly about the experience of survivors. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. My abusers crimes were covered up by the social worker assigned to our case. He attended the same church as my abuser and his family. I wish you every good thing.

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  23. And Doug continues to make this, as with everything else, all about Doug. Against my better judgment, I stop by his blog to see how he's responding to this avalanche of overwhelmingly negative attention, and of course, he revels in it. And his sycophants, right on cue, praise his wonderfulness. Though they don't praise his wonderfulness as completely as he praises his own wonderfulness. In the face of controversy swirling around him involving his handling of truly heinous crimes, amid the criticism, and because of the criticism, Nancy "buys him a bottle of scotch" and he "dances a jig", as his "enemies" delight him and stoke his unparalleled narcissism by putting the spotlight on him. Which he adores and desperately needs for self-validation. Somewhere underneath all that arrogance, all that pomposity, all that narcissism and self adoration , must lie the soul of a very insecure man.

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  24. Ugh...God save us all from the likes of Sludge Willful! I'm typing this while listening to a debate between him and James White from October 17 2014. The sound of Sludge's voice is starting to make me sick. I'm so sorry for what he has put you and your family through Natalie. - An Anonymous who has not previously posted here

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