Yes, We're Still Talking About This.

“Trigger Warning: Description of Sexual Abuse of a Child”

I've debated whether or not to share the following letter publicly. It was given to me last week and out of respect for certain members of my family that don't wish to have any further publicity over all of this, I've kept it to myself and a few close friends. But at some point every day for the last week I've been struck by the nagging reminder that this is no longer about me. It's not about my family or the painful past experiences that tore us apart at the seams.  I've said it before, I don't share all of this for my own personal gratification or because I'm stuck on being a victim. This is not me unwilling to heal and licking my wounds for the world to see. I share for the others. For my children, for your children, for other women or men who lost their voices when they were young and never quite found them again. By the grace of Divine Love I found my voice, and I wouldn't sleep at night if I knew I had the power to help others and chose not to because it's uncomfortable to talk about around the dinner table. Nobody likes talking about sexual abuse or children being hurt, and certainly no one wants to admit they could have done better or made wiser choices and thus prevented more innocent individuals from being hurt. I'm choosing not be in the latter category, so I'll continue speaking.

Pictured below is a letter Doug Wilson wrote to the officer on my case on August 22nd, 2005. In it he tells of a 'secret relationship' which my parents knowingly allowed Jamin and I to enter into. He says this relationship was hidden from the broader community and though my parents didn't realize there was 'sexual behavior occurring' between Jamin and I, they were aware that we were interested in each other and invited Jamin to live in our home. Doug goes on to say that it is important to note what kind of criminal this information makes Jamin. He says "I do not believe that this in any way paints Jamin as a sexual predator."

Oh boy. I'm not entirely sure where to begin with this one.

Jamin expressed an interest in me to my parents when I was 14 years old, months after he'd begun grooming me and had already instigated a physical relationship with me. To say I had a crush on him would be an understatement - I was completely infatuated with him, as is very common for abuse victims,  and had been since shortly after I met him at a church event when I was 13 years old. (No one knew the depth of my affection for him, of course, I think told my parents I thought he was pretty cool.) My parents told Jamin he could wait for me if he wanted to and they'd  reassess the situation when I was 18 years old. It was made exceedingly clear that in the meantime there was to be no 'relationship' whatsoever. As far as my parents knew there was no relationship, and from what I can tell any "confession" they made to Doug was taken out of context and/or deliberately twisted. There's not much more to be said about this, honestly. My parents were naive and foolish, yes. They trusted him to respect the house rules regarding their daughter, partly because he'd been vetted by their own pastor as a seminary student. He didn't follow the rules. I've written about this before, here. It doesn't change the game.


What confuses me is how this information has any relevance to Jamin's long term physical, sexual, mental and emotional abuse of me (before, during and after the time he lived in our home) or how it constitutes Doug writing to the magistrate judge and requesting leniency for him, or how it justifies Doug blaming and shaming my father (and mother) the way he did. Doug painted a picture in which the blame is dangerously shifted to my parents and away from a criminal. Ultimately, he was rather successful at his part in this, as Jamin's charge and sentence were greatly reduced and he went on to criminally abuse more innocent victims after a very brief stint in jail.

I feel the need to rehash this particular line that Doug typed: "I do not believe that this in any way paints Jamin as a sexual predator." Not a sexual predator? Forgive me if I'm beating a dead horse or being too loud about an uncomfortable topic, but Jamin is most certainly a sexual predator. Let me describe a scene to you, one scene of many, many more just like it. It's late afternoon in an old house on B Street in Moscow. A 14 year old girl goes bounces down the stairs of her family's 8-bedroom mansion to get her favorite pair of jeans from the laundry hamper. A 24 year old man follows her down the stairs and enters the laundry room behind her. He sneaks up behind her and grabs her by the shoulders, she shrieks, then giggles. "Shhhhh! C'mere!" He says. He pulls her by the hand into the dungeon-like bathroom adjacent to the laundry room. "Jamin, stop! My mom will hear us!" the girl protests. "Then be quiet" he says, pushing down firmly on the top of her head until she buckles to her knees. She knows what he wants, it's what he always wants and she hates it. She begins giving it to him and a minute later they hear footsteps coming down the long basement stairs. The man shoves the girl away from him, she falls backward into the laundry room and he closes the bathroom door to finish the job himself. The girl jumps to her feet, wipes her mouth and runs up the basement stairs, shaking nervously as she passes her mother on way. A close call.

But according to the pastor of Christ Church, Jamin is not a sexual predator. What is he, then? An opportunist? If only my parents had kicked him out when he expressed interest in me, than he wouldn't have been given the opportunity to hurt me? Anyone can see this is preposterous. Jamin's crimes were premeditated and he would still have had access to me at church and in various other settings (he did, in fact, manage to 'still get to me' after he'd moved out). I could tell a hundred more stories about what he did to me but they're all sickening so I'll leave it at one.

So what now? Why am I blogging about this again? Because we need change and it's not happening yet. The church needs to change the way it handles sexual abuse, and until the leaders are willing to come forward and say we were gravely wrong and we want to learn how to do better we will continue to face this problem again and again and we will hear from more victims and more lives will be destroyed as this is repeatedly swept under the rug. This is not just about Doug Wilson and the other leaders of Christ Church and Trinity Reformed Church that stood behind a dangerous sexual predator and welcomed him back into the fold, believing his cries of repentance. This happens in churches everywhere. It's an epidemic of the worst kind and it is destroying countless lives. Churches everywhere claim they know how to handle abuse within their congregation, and the church certainly can play an important role in the healing of victims, but so much more is needed. Resources, education, trained professionals, and the willingness to step back and say "we need help". Needing help is not a weakness, and that lie only adds insult to injury for those harmed by abuse.

So what can YOU do?

Stand with me. Demand change. Share your own story of abuse within the church and if you don't have one or if you aren't ready to share yours, then by all means share mine. Demand that the leaders of churches stop pridefully deflecting blame and ignorantly shaming victims while they stand behind predators. Urge them to show the love of Christ to the victims.

We can't afford to let this one slip away into the night. It will only grow.


Here's the letter Doug wrote to the officer:












Comments

  1. Bless you Natalie. Thank you for having the courage to speak. We will never see change without people like you. You are making a difference.

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  2. I already spoke to this point on Doug's blog a week ago, but he deleted any posts which refuted his position and banned the users. Let me state my points again here.

    There is nothing you could possibly admit to, Natalie, in your own mindset as a 13-year-old which could make you in any way culpable for Jamin Wight's predatory behavior. There is also nothing that Doug Wilson could possibly reveal about you which does not make him out to be any less of a monster. This letter shows truly what a detestable, despicable slimebag Doug Wilson is. The man is sick, twisted in his perceptions, derelict in his duties as a pastor, and ignorant in his handling of a profoundly dangerous sexual predator.

    The entire reason why the law states that there is an age of consent and it is statutory rape to engage in sexual activity with anyone below that age is that teenagers in the grip of hormonal changes cannot be trusted to know their own feelings. It's not their fault. An adult who acts on sexual impulses toward a hormonal teenager is the worst sort of predator their is, because he is knowingly and maliciously taking advantage of that teenager's hormonal confusion to pleasure himself at the expense of that child's still-developing and vulnerable sexuality. It's an appalling mentality, and it's deeply criminal and calculating.

    None of this was, is, or ever will be your fault. I cannot believe what a disgusting, foul and evil person Doug Wilson has actually shown himself to be. You should sue him right off the planet.

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  3. I am so sorry for your pain and your horrific memories! I pray that every victim that reads your courageous words will be empowered to do the same! With a 12 year old daughter myself, I can't imagine your parents pain. I pray that Jesus would be near to you and them as you rehash these details. Check out treesofhope.org which is a ministry doing amazing work reaching out to victims of sexual abuse. Prayers for you!

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  4. The idea that Jamin’s crime was "particularly egregious" because it might embarrass Doug Wilson’s phony seminary makes me incandescent with rage. To deny that Jamin Wight was a predator and to ask that he be spared the "injustice of severe penalties" should alert everyone who reads this letter that there were two monsters involved in this situation – Jamin Wight and Doug Wilson.
    Natalie, your courage is a shining light to all of us - you are changing lives.
    Rose Huskey

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    Replies
    1. Rose - I thought the exact.same.thing! To me his crime was particularly egregious because he raped a CHILD. The fact that he was going to seminary makes this even worse. But, that reflects poorly upon the seminary. The one mentioned is teeny tiny! Their vetting process must not be that great given the caliber of criminals they have ended up accepting in. Makes me wonder if this "seminary" simply needs warm bodies who will fill seats and write checks no matter what kind of moral integrity they actually possess. Of course Natalie's parents wouldn't just kick Jamin out! They had a large house and plenty of space to board. I would guess that had they kicked Jamin out for simply expressing interest in their daughter, they would have been asking for an elder visit.... It was a no win situation for the Greenfield family.

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    2. Yes, by all means, Krista, let us conjecture together and accuse wildly.

      Of course, I'm assuming this comment gets deleted because opposing views are only welcome on Wilson's blog.

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    3. Anon, You might answer instead to some of the statements. There was rape. Do you question that statement? Shall I lay out each statement for you and ask or will you stand up and confront them as they are.... Or is Pastor Wilson not to be challenged? What vetting protocol was in place? And why is that you claim that Wilson allows alternate views? I added several links to this blog that were all deleted and several others have complained of the same.... Do you seriously think that the Wilson blog is open? If so, are you taking a drug you would be willing to admit you eat?

      Delete
    4. My other comment was deleted, so I assumed this one would be as well.

      A TON of opposing views have been allowed on Wilson's threads... clearly you stepped over a line, since he has no problem with vitriolic rants.

      It is telling that Natalie's mother doesn't stand with her version of the facts. The father has turned to heretical Eastern mysticism, so he has an obvious theological bias toward Wilson. There is too much smoke to see clearly here, but I wouldn't mind seeing the parties involved have a private meeting to clear the air.

      Delete
  5. You are very courageous, this story should have a strong impact. Rape is not just strangers in dark alleys. It's important to know that people who are liked, trusted, been "crushed on" can take advantage in the worst ways. Mixed-up feeling on your part do not negate any of his guilt. He was preying on a precious child.
    You are a great communicator, thank you for sharing. I wish blessings and peace for you <3.

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  6. Natalie you are exactly right in defining Jamin and Doug Wilson and their actions. At that age , at 18 and younger any action is his fault. He preyed on you.... He's a predator. And you're parents are not to blame. He's sneaky and manipulative... Because he's a dangerous predator.

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  7. You are exceedingly brave, young one. You are supported by a great unseen crowd.

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  8. Doug Wilson would not be breathing right now if Natalie was my niece or daughter. What he has done is clearly witness intimidation, obstruction of justice and quite possibly accessory after the fact. I can't begin to grasp why anyone would attend his church, regard him as fit to " rule well" or hold him in elevated regard in any way. The man is a thug, a thug hiding behind the facade of a carefully constructed intellectual image but a thug no less.

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    1. Anonymous, your response is supportive but it does not support Natalie's family too. They were unable to see what was going on in their midst because the kind of no-boundary Christianity that Wilson sells makes people dissociate from real relationships by saying God says and Jesus says and God says.... People lose tract of human relationship. When you suggest that you would deal with Pastor Wilson, you are suggesting her father did not but he did his level best to manage through that time. Now. Wilson blames him and you seem to infer that he ought to go out and seek revenge. Perhaps I am reading into your comment but I want to be sure that you understand that the assaults were not Natalie's fault as a youngster (that is ever so clear, except to pedophiles) and that her parents were not guilty of negligence. They were hosting a man of faith, approved by Wilson's group. They welcomed the predator because he came from Wilson's own arrangement. This kind of billeting is being questioned now, of course but when the perp came to their home it was via the system Wilson still supports.

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  9. DW's letter made me sick to my stomach. What Jamin did was against the law(!!) We now know the the "elders" of this cult never even spoke to you to get your side. And blaming your parents?!??
    I was molested by my mom's boyfriend at 17. But he had spent 2-3 years grooming me. I was so young and not even aware his grooming comments were grossly inappropriate! My mom ended up not believing me, siding with the boyfriend and kicking me out of the house the day I turned 18.
    One of the most helpful things my counselor told me was that this was not my fault. And this was not your fault either!
    Thank you for being so brave to share your story. We have to shine light into this darkness!!

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  10. You are so amazingly brave. Thank you for further demonstrating what a liar Doug Wilson is.

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  11. I have attempted to add a link to Natalie's blog here to Wilson's but it appears I have been erased. I would encourage others to follow Natalie's words and spread the truth around!

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  12. Natalie,
    Sorry to hear of your own and your families' tough experience in this problem. As hard as it must be for you to talk about it, I hope and will pray for truth, justice, forgiveness repentance and reconcilliation, for your family especially.
    My own experinece of "abuse" is the opposite of yours, as I was falsely accused of "domestic violence", by people in "ministry" who did not know me and would not meet with me, people who would consider themselves "trained professionals".
    These church based "trained professionals", like many "abuse" advocates in the church have been taken in by cult founder and charlatan Lundy Bancroft. He announces his cult in the following link.
    http://transitiontoanewworld.blogspot.com/2011/03/new-spiritual-community.html
    "A Cry for Justice" is one "christian" outfit with a Lundy Bancroft problem.

    At least in your case, there was some admission of guilt by the perpetrator, a conviction and some jail time. In my case, the "trained professionals" lied about me in Court, but thank God, they lost anyway.

    We both have had some trials in life that we wish we did not have, but I do know God was with me and our family in that dark valley, and even now, as my family slowly recovers from the "ministry" of "trained "abuse" professionals".

    I hope we both see more reconciliation in our respective problems than we can even imagine now.

    Thanks and Salt, JFS

    Colossians 3
    13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

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  13. Natalie,
    Aside from criminal prosecution of the offender, if a 'Pastor' knowingly covers for him, tax exempt status should be revoked, this would make it hurt for both offenders.

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  14. Hi Natalie, I've been following your story and would like to make a comment in response to Doug Wilson's letter and his charge that your parents placed you in a dangerous position. I'm the younger sister of two older brothers; while growing up with a house often full of their friends, I sometimes had "crushes" on them and I made no secret of it! I was always following them around and trying to get their attention. But I can honestly say that even though they were 8 to 10 years older than me, they never thought of me as anything but Kenny and Terry's little sister. So, for Doug Wilson to try to shift even part of the blame onto your parents is ridiculous! It is not normal for a 24 year old man to have romantic or sexual feelings for a 13 or 14 year old girl, and for him to seduce you is despicable! Doug Wilson and his CREC quasi-denomination is losing credibility (well, whatever little they had) over this and you, dear young lady, are to be commended for speaking out. May the good Lord bless you and your loved ones! Thank you for shining light on this matter. :)

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    Replies
    1. Angela, The judge who dealt with Jamin remarked on his immaturity. I am not sure exactly what that comment referred to but your statement that his attentions on a 13/14 year old were inappropriate is very clear to me and absolutely healthy. He had no business doing what he did in saying he wanted to have a relationship with Natalie, and though he was not kicked out of the household for expressing what his wish, he was told clearly that it was not acceptable at the time. Remember that Doug Wilson embraced the pedophile and allowed him to study for ministry. If the Greenfield's somehow attempted to emulate the pastor's example of love (sic) then that is too bad and very sad but Wilson should stand up and be responsible for his example. He suggests his example is Christ. I think he is way down the denial-trail.
      That the Greenfields speak out now is evidence of strong character. I dearly wish Natalie's mom could find the strength to stand with her daughter now and listen and support. That she sides with Wilson by attending his church is quite sick in my view. Abused people make sick choices because they follow paths they know already, ones they feel they can manage. Natalie is a brave soul who does not have a mother, as I see it. I'm sorry to say that but I speak as a parent. My love, the whole of my love is with my child first and not any church, not any God. I would not give up my child for God. That is not fully human and only possible when a parent is broken, a victim.

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  15. What is common knowledge to many abuse victims, is not acceptable knowledge to Pastor Wilson because he hides his abuse in his love Christ, the sacrifice of Christ and tells all that he sides with Jamin because CHRIST! It is a load of Denial with a capital "D". Wilson doesn't know he is an abuser. I am not making him innocent of his wrongs by saying this.... the fact that he claims to have no memory of what side he sat on during the trial demonstrates his denial, loss of memory in such an important, integral matter. You sat with the perpetrator, Pastor Abuser.

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  16. Natalie, stay strong and know that there are people out here working for you. This story is just getting started and we are doing everything we can to fan the flames under it. You deserve justice, and if we can deliver it for you, we will.

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  17. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2015 at 8:05 AM
    "Yes, by all means, Krista, let us conjecture together and accuse wildly.

    Of course, I'm assuming this comment gets deleted because opposing views are only welcome on Wilson's blog."

    Your comment was not deleted.

    Doug Wilson, on the other hand, has deleted many comments surrounding the issues that have been raised in the past few weeks.

    Natalie has nothing to hide, or to hide from. What possible reason does she have to expose herself and her family to this nightmare yet again? The Church needs to wake up to sexual abuse in their midst. The Church includes Doug Wilson and his associates.

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  18. Dear Natalie,

    I am a pastor of a small church. Coincidentally, when I began my post not three months ago, we had a domestic abuse situation. We got the girl (the abused) out of the house and back to her parents', to safety. But this prompted a lot of research into pastoral responsibility in child, domestic, and sexual abuse situations.

    Then I began reading about what was happening in Douglas Wilson's church.

    Then I eventually trickled down to see your blog. Very amazing what you've done and how God is healing you. I pray He keeps healing, and your dad too. Yes, keep on writing! You are being heard and your purpose for writing is being taken very seriously.

    YLL

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  19. Keep up the posting. His empire will fall.

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  20. http://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/scandal-in-moscow/

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  21. Doug Wilson - Champion of the Oppressor,

    I've heard him described as a theologian. If so, he's a terrible theologian who appears to have skipped the entire New Testament,

    Hugs Natalie.

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  22. Greetings,

    Thank you for your post. The blessing of the internet is the opportunity of voice - the opportunity to be heard. I also commend you as a fellow overcomer.

    Both you and DW are seeking justice - to do the right thing. We all stumble in many ways as the apostle asserts. We grow when we are able to repent from a position we assumed was right but falters benight the weight of a stronger argument appealing to sources of truth we agree too but have missed.

    Given that you have at least one respondent here stating "Doug Wilson would not be breathing right now if Natalie was my niece or daughter." illustrates the reality that people sometimes are tempted to take justice into their own hands. James also said we who become teachers (even bloggers) are subject to a stricter judgement. Given the possibility that this thread could go viral enough to reach such a soul who feels 'called' to do violence to DW or his family (or any innocent souls that might be in their home) I think the right and just thing for you to do is to block or otherwise remove his home address from the image of the letter you shown. We are called to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly I think because in the character we are created to become, they are inseparable.

    His peace to you and yours,

    MS

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    Replies
    1. It is not Doug's home address, it is the address for the Christ Church office, which is available to any interested party.

      Delete
    2. "Both you and DW are seeking justice - to do the right thing."

      I'm just a bystander but I haven't seen any evidence to conclude that DW is seeking to do the right thing.

      It almost seems like you are suggesting Natalie should suppress the truth in order to protect DW on the off-chance that someone might take matters into their own hands? Imagine what a mess the world would be if everyone did that, if all crimes were covered up to protect criminals from possible repercussions.

      Nothing Natalie has said is incendiary. It is simply the truth of what happened. Truth needs to be spoken. Loving justice and mercy means doing all you can to prevent the next victim from suffering.

      Delete

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