Perpetuating Abuse (warning:explicit language)
When I was a young teen I was groomed, then sexually, physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally abused for over 2 years by a criminal 10 years my senior. Here's the first blog post I wrote about the abuse; my first public account of what happened to me and the injustice I suffered while my abuser enjoyed a degree of leniency I naively did not know existed.
Now I know better. Much better. Enough to recognize the unfortunate irony of the situation in which the criminal is now under church discipline for abusing his wife and children. I've also recently found out the girl to whom he was engaged when I went to the police about the abuse (2 years after the abuse ended, right before I turned 18), was also abused by him for the duration of their relationship, which ended promptly after I went to the authorities. Who knows who else he's abused in his life. I once watched him hold a dog by the neck and smash its head repeatedly against a concrete wall because it didn't lie down when he commanded it. Minutes later he embraced the dog and madly licked its mouth and tongue.
Horrifying as it is that this monster went on to harm other innocent women and children, I think this might be the part where I say - I told you so. And not to the innocent individuals who trusted and were consequently in a position to be harmed by the criminal, but to those who I so desperately reached out to, those who I begged to protect others from the horrors I suffered, those who told me it was my fault for not saying no, or my father's fault for not knowing better, or my mother's fault for not teaching me to be more ladylike. To those who wrote letters to the judge presiding over the case heralding the character of the criminal and requesting leniency in the sentencing, to those who wrote letters on behalf of the criminal and in them criminalized a young girl, to those who welcomed the criminal back into society whilst shunning and scorning the victim, to those who found it more convenient to close their eyes to something they did not want to see rather than face the truth and take a stand, the sad fact of the matter is that you, each of you, perpetuated abuse.
Even now, I'm nearly certain the authorities will not be involved in this latest case of abuse, which is a terrible thing because it means someone else will be hurt. It will be handled quietly and quickly so as not to disturb the reputation of the church. The age old story.
And so it goes on, and more little girls are hurt and scarred, and more women are beaten, and more men scramble to cover the tracks of it all and preserve their positions of power.
And somewhere in the night a little girl with budding breasts cries quietly in bed, unable to sleep, her head swirling with fear and guilt and shame and so much more that she can't understand. And the man who makes her suck his cock rushes out of his Bible study, hoping she hasn't fallen asleep yet.