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On Suicide...

I began feeling suicidal for the first time when I was a teenager, after the sexual abuse ended. I'd become quite irritable and had angry outbursts on a regular basis. After a particularly violent incident where I threw a table lamp at my mother, I was taken to see a doctor from the church. 
I remember feeling very uncomfortable and nervous sitting in his office, though I'd insisted on going alone. He looked at me over his glasses, "Has anything happened that's made you feel stressed or bothered?" 
"Uh...no." I said. 
"Nothing at all?" He asked.
At this point, I'd already come out about the abuse. The church leaders knew, the police knew, and the harrowing legal proceedings were under way. There were definitely rumors flying around, but I wasn't speaking openly about the abuse with anyone but the investigating police officer on the case. The thought of disclosing what had happened to this man I barely knew, who'd never even been my per…

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